#SOLSC24
This pandemic has given me an unwanted gift of too much quiet space for reflection. Recently, I’ve been feeling stuck. Feeling like I’m at a crossroad in my life. I’ve already lived much more than half my years on this earth. I no longer feel like a daughter to anyone as my beloved father has passed and my dear mother sadly doesn’t remember that she has a daughter. The pandemic has given me an unwanted gift of too much quiet space for reflection. I’ve become an observer of my three daughters: watching them each carve meaningful, successful careers for themselves, planning their futures with the loves in their lives, planning and creating families of their own. I am no longer in the center of their lives like I once was as their mommy. The pandemic has given me an unwanted gift of too much quiet space for reflection. It took me several careers to realize that teaching was the right fit for me. I found my passion planning and teaching elementary age students to love learning. If only it was just the teaching and the loving. I don’t like to admit to myself that it’s not as much fun as it used to be. The pandemic has given me an unwanted gift of too much quiet space for reflection. I spend too much time scrolling through Facebook, voyaging into the lives of people I once knew. The pictures and comments tell me that groups of people from my past are still connected. I want to jump in but wonder if I really want to reconnect with someone I barely remember and hadn’t spoken to in over fifty years? Am I becoming antisocial? Has the scare of COVID turned me into a recluse? The pandemic has given me an unwanted gift of too much quiet space for reflection. My husband is a creature who doesn’t like change. He’s still wearing the same brand and color socks and briefs he did when we met 43 years ago. Our life has remained consistent, with little change. I can’t complain, it’s a really good life. I’m lucky. So why am I craving change? The pandemic has given me an unwanted gift of too much quiet space for reflection. I used to keep a list of activities I hadn’t done yet: to be fluent in Spanish, learn to play the piano, travel to Japan, live for a year in a tiny town in Europe like in the movies. I ponder what is really on my honest bucket list now. What do I crave and want to do if I could? What is in my future? The pandemic has given me an unwanted gift of too much quiet space for reflection.
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Eva KaplanSea glass, found on beaches, is naturally worn and smooth by tide and time,. As a wife, mother, Bubbe, teacher, reader & life-long learner, and of course, sea glass collector, I aspire to use writing to help me understand myself and the world around me. Archives
March 2024
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